Sirius won't eat
by Astra Illusia
Summary: PG. Angst with bit of fluff. SxR if you want. Eating disorder.


Author: Stargazer (Astra Illusia)

Characters: Sirius, Andromeda, Regulus, Remus  
Pairing: Sirius/Remus if you want so  
Genre: Angst  
Rating: PG  
Warnings: Eating disorder  
Translator: Kelmikiti (Finfanfun)  
Beta: piladel (Finfanfun)

One of my most depressive works. For me, at least. But very important one too. The last part is bit too fluffy but try to live with it. This is kinda angsty story anyway.  
I was listening to "Live happy, live anorexia" by The Stage and I just needed to write this. I knew I'd write a fic with anorexic!Sirius some day, because I have always loved the idea.  
This takes part in FinFanFun's "Three times when..." challange.  
Three meals that Sirius didn't eat.

**Breakfast**

We were sitting there faced to each other. I looked over the table to see Sirius, who was playing with his food. Playing, yes, but never eating. I took another bite from my toast, again, but I didn't take my eyes off of my big brother. How long would he keep this game on? For how long would I have to look at the pale, smileless face, and the cheekbones that seemed to stick out more each day.  
I felt angry. Why did my brother have to be such an idiot? Mom raised her face from her plate, and looked heartedly at Sirius.  
"Will you eat that bread? Or did Kreacher just waste his time giving that to you?" She asked sharply. Sirius shook his head quickly, and lowered his hands to his lap from the table. Her mother snapped her tounge.  
"Go to your room! If the food is not good enough you'll not eat at all!"

I wanted to tell mom that, Sirius wouldn't probably mind, but I kept my mouth shut. Let mom do her punishments in her own way.

Sirius stood up from the table and walked out of the dining-room. I stared at his place and the silverware he left untouched. The cup with the steaming tea, and the plate with the toast. It felt like someone was holding my throat. Why was Sirius doing this to me? Didn't that idiot know how much it hurt for me to watch Kreacher take his untouched plates away, day after day?

** Dinner**

I tried to get Dora to sit down and eat her porridge, even though I knew my try was doomed. I might as well had tried to get my cousin to eat the chicken and rice in front of him. They both were hopeless cases. But I always tried.  
"Okay Dora, now open that mouth. You'll like it when you taste it... Sirius, is everything alright? Why aren't you eating anything?"  
Sirius smiled a little and said carelessly: "I don't know if I can trust your cooking skills Andy."  
I forced myself to let out a little laugh: "No, really Sirius. Are you sure, you're not sick? You've always loved chicken. Well at least when you were younger..."  
Sirius looked outside of the kitchen window and said slowly: "I'm just not hungry right now... I feel a little tired, I think I'll go upstairs." Then he rose. I wanted to stop him, but I didn't have the courage to. I was afraid of my cousin and his skeleton like outlook.

"Dora, please, open your mouth." I muttered after Sirius had gone.  
"No!" Nymphadora gave me the answer, about the only word she knew.

I dropped the spoon onto the table and face palmed.  
What was I to do with him?

**Halloween**

I scooped the last of what was left of my vanilla ice-cream, and took the spoon to my mouth. I listened to James's endless laughter and talk. Then I looked to my left, to Sirius. It was like something had grabbed my stomach, and anger filled me. Was James so bloody, blind that he didn't see it?  
"Sirius, you're not eating." I whispered. Sirius turned his gray eyes to me. I could see from them that he was tired. He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it quickly. I grabbed his hand under the table. I stroked his fingers, and his very thin wrist.  
"You've lost weight..." I continued with a tiny voice, "Lost too much weight."

Sirius took his hand from mine. I didn't say anything, but I could feel the tears rising to my eyes.  
"Don't do this to yourself." I asked him. Sirius's face went arrogant.  
"Shut up, since you don't understand what you're talking about!" Sirius hissed at me. Then he walked away from the great hall. And the celebration wasn't close to ending.  
James turned to me. "What was with him?" he asked, and raised his eyebrows. I lost it completely.  
"You fucking idiot! Your friend is making a slow suicide and you don't even see it!" My voice was breaking. I dropped my head and let the tears run free on my cheeks.

When I came to the dormitory, he was lying on the bed. Asleep, or so it seemed. I creped up closer. I sat on the edge of his bed, stroked his thin hair, and his pale body. I had my hands feeling his ribs, and the shoulder blades, that felt to me like tiny wings.

"Damn Padfoot, how will I get you to understand you're the most important thing in my life?" I asked, mostly from myself.

"You can't die."

_Stargazer_


End file.
